is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
