We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
