you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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