we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
