Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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