I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
