its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
