she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
