If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
