ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
