I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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