He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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