cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
