I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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