we have officially lost it.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
