Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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