Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
