Your mouth is God's brothel.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
