The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
