There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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