FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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