You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
