I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
