he puts the penis in happiness.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
