grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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