I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
