My liver just broke up with me...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
