Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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