I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
