Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
