So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
kristin has been a bad kristin
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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