i jhust puked up my retainher.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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