I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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