so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
