what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Semen is not good for contacts.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
