So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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