24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
