i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
