I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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