you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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