I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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