I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
