Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize