at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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