Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
