too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
