there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
