Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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