I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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