Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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