I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
