Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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