I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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